Wow. It's been a long time since I posted here. Mostly because there's nothing to post about. Still no job, so still no moving forward in our quest. I've gotten to a place where I'm mostly ok with that... but there are days... this would be one of them.
Today I should have been planning a birthday party. I should have been putting the finishing touches on decorations and cupcakes and cuteness. I should have been wrapping two little presents and getting the house ready for a flock of friends and family.
But there was no birth, and so, no birthday party.
D and I are considering getting memorial tattoos. Need to find a good artist and a good parlour... and save our pennies. We have ideas, but aren't 100% sold on them... hard to until we see them drawn up by a tattoo artist, who'll know how best to portray them so they'll translate to a tattoo. We've talked about it in the moments between the darker days lately. It's a bad time of year. April marking the anniversary of the 2nd miscarriage...May with Mother's Day (a pretty rotten day for all the Forgotten Mothers)... June with Father's Day (again... a rotten day for the Forgotten Fathers)... now what should have been a first birthday. Thankfully, we're mostly done our personal dark days until October, once we get through tomorrow.
Then it's just a matter of getting through the days when friends deliver... when friends share news of their pregnancies (or don't, and we find out in less than 'ideal' ways)... and the occasional thoughless comments. In other words, day to day life for anyone who has suffered any kind of loss and is faced with reminders.
Today is a bad day... I'm not really as bitter, cynical and jaded as that sounds. I have a wonderful husband... I have some truly great friends... I have a family that loves me (two, actually... double lucky).
I hope all my bloggy friends are well... fighting their battles bravely... cherishing the victories no matter how small... celebrating at every opportunity... especially when they finally get the prize we all stive for.
Hugs to all of you!