Saturday, May 31, 2008

I'm baaaaaaaack

Hi all.

I'm back from Alaska. Eventually I might post some pics. The trip was awesome.

Coming back sucked in more ways than one.

My second day back at work, I got laid off. Re-structured right out the door. After 10 years. No warning. No notice. Buh-bye.

So now I'm unemployed. This throws a bit of a wrench in the works. The original plan was to try a FET in June or July. The unemployment, however, means we'll have to postpone at least until I have another job, and probably until I've been there for 3 months (or however long probation is). I'd have to take time off around the transfer if I got a job. And if I didn't have a job yet when we did the transfer Murphy says it'd work, which then makes me a poor candidate for employment, I'm thinking.


Friday, May 16, 2008


Yup... finally got the call at about 4 p.m. yesterday from the clinic with yesterday's beta results. 3. It's finally over. And as an added bonus, the bleeding seems to have finally stopped!

I know, it's bad that I'm happy with that news, and don't get me wrong... I'm still very sad about the loss of our children... but being trapped in limbo really sucked and I'm glad that we can finally move on and start to heal.

So now we think and discuss... when do we try again with an FET? Do we try on my next cycle? Do we hold off a few months? So many questions.

Luckily, we've got a whole week in the Great White Northwest to ponder and discuss and try to figure it out. We head to the airport tonight (staying at the hotel there) for our flight tomorrow morning... and by dinner time tomorrow we'll be in Alaska. I say by dinnertime we'll be in Alaska rather than on the ship because our flight is due into Anchorage at 2:30 p.m. But that's going to feel like 6:30 (dinner-time) to us. Then it's another 90 minutes or so to the port to check in and go through all the rigemarole to get on-board. And then we wait for our luggage... which will probably be late because it's being processed in the forward hold, and we were just moved to an aft cabin. Such fun!

BUT WE'RE GOING TO ALASKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Have a great week...

Monday, May 12, 2008

Yesterday kinda sucked.

Yup... yesterday kinda sucked. Although, I think the build-up was worse than the day ended up being.

I've spent the past couple of weeks crying every time I saw or heard an ad for Mother's Day. Couldn't deal. Not even a little.

In a way, I was lucky yesterday. My mother is currently in China on vacation (and thankfully unaffected by the earthquake they had!)... so a quick text message on Saturday evening (which was Sunday morning for them) sufficed. I plan to buy a nice bouquet to greet her when they get home on Friday night. Ma-in-law is currently on the road with Pa-in-law driving out to Vancouver to hop a plane to Anchorage to take the same cruise we're heading out for on Saturday. D sent her an email (I'm assuming... I left it up to him). So there was no festivities to try to wriggle out of. D himself was summoned to work, so there was no chance of 'forgetting' and finding ourselves in a crowded restaurant surrounded by happy families.

I decided the best way for me to deal with the day was to pretend it wasn't happening. Probably not the healthiest, I realize. And don't get me wrong, I'm happy for all my friends and aquaintances who had reason to celebrate yesterday... I just didn't feel much like celebrating.

So I had a nice relaxing shower, noted happily that the m/c fall-out seems to be tapering off, painted my nails for the first time in about 3 years (black... like my soul ;) ), and dove head-first into some much needed cleaning in the house. By the time D got home, I BBQ'd dinner, and we parked ourselves in front of the idiot box for the Survivor finale (what a train wreck!) I was exhausted and nearly all the Mother's Day ads were gone from the airwaves.

And today is another day. A day that is happy for having muddled through yesterday. A day that is happy for having finally gotten around to a much needed under-garment fitting session (good grief was I ever wearing the wrong size... by far!!! Thank god the place I went isn't much more expensive than a department store). A day that is happy for having seen a Peregrine Falcon and a pair of Swans flying over my train station this morning (yes... actual wildlife in what is still technically the city! ;) ). A day that is one step closer to a very much needed vacation.

Hope all my bloggy friends are keeping well! And that those who celebrated yesterday had wonderful days!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Another week down... and still not done

So... the good news of the day is that the clinic blood tech managed to find a vein in my arm this morning! Unfortunately, my GP's blood tech was not so lucky 2 hours later and I ended up with a punctured hand anyway ;)

Yup... two blood draws today. The first was yet another beta... the second was to check my thyroid function.

For the beta, today's result was 65 (down a little less than 500)... I go back in a week and hope to hell it's not stalling.

The thyroid was at my request. Why? Well, when I went to the hospital to have the methotrexate, they took my temp... it seemed kind of low for me (I generally run a post-O basal temp of 36.6... it was 36.2... since I was still technically pregnant at that point, and had been up and about for several hours by then, I would have expected it to be at least 36.6. Of course, I haven't remembered to actually take my temp on waking in the 2.5 weeks since to check)... and since it's been a year (give or take a month or so) since my last check, I asked to have it checked before getting a scrip renewal. Of course, Dr. Know-it-all-but-can't-give-a-decent-level-of-care looked at the previous 2.5 years of tests and said that he expects it'll be in range, so he'd rather just write the scrip and call me if the results come back out of whack. What??? You mean you DON'T want to bill the provincial health care folks for another visit for no good reason??? Are you feeling ok? That's so unlike you! But... I took the scrip ;) Then headed off to their lab to have my blood drawn to check it anyway. Of course, the guy 4 ahead of me had passed out, so there was a backlog and delay... guess it's a good thing that my appointment was short and ahead of schedule in starting :)

So... still waiting, just waiting on more, now. Still bleeding, but it's been a different "character" of bleed for the past couple of days. More like a regular period. I'm choosing to take that as a good sign. I just want it to be over by next Thursday so I don't have to devote precious suitcase space to FHPs (Feminine Hygeine Products... D hates the term, and would rather be cryptic about these things, so... FHPs).

Here's hoping!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Mixed feelings

Had another beta this morning (I've lost count). Took them 10 minutes to find a vein in my hand (yes... 10 minutes, and they didn't even look in my arm). Hurt like none of them have every hurt before, too. Le Sigh.

But... the number today was 539. That's down 1510 from Tuesday, which was down just under 1000 from the previous Thursday.

I go back again in 5 - 7 days (whenever works for me).

I have mixed feelings about this. I mean, yes, it's good that the drugs did what they were supposed to do... but it's still a falling number... a miscarriage... another lost child.

It hurts to think about. It hurts more than usual at the moment because next Sunday is Mother's Day. I thought I'd be 7.5 months for Mother's Day. Nope. I thought I'd be about 11 weeks for Mother's Day. Nope on that score too. And D has been told by his employer that he's working next Sunday (in addition to Saturday). I guess they figure he doesn't have kids so he won't mind. I hate that about his employers.... if you don't have kids, you don't have a family. I need him.... precisely BECAUSE we don't have kids. But they'll never understand.

On the up side, if I'm lucky, next week's beta will be the last... and hopefully things will be back to "relatively normal" before we go on vacation (the 17th).