Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Roller Coaster Day

So... got up this morning with plans to go to the clinic. Wouldn't you know it... looks like AF decided to showup, finally. But then again, nothing was getting to a pad, so maybe it was just heavier spotting? But really, what fun would this whole infertility thing be without some confusion?

Anyway, got to the clinic. Signed the appropriate clipboards. Got pulled in for blood work. Right arm: can't find a vein. Left arm: can't find a vein. Right hand: vein collapsed as soon as the needle was inserted. Left hand finally gave up some blood. Then the question... "What cycle day are you on?" Umm... I don't know. Either day 22 or day 1. So they left it blank and just wrote "Supression - IVF" on it instead.

Then off to the u/s... again "What cycle day are you?" Same spiel... explained I wasn't sure if this was just heavy spotting or day 1... so she wrote "CD22?"

Then the doc... and the 3rd year medical student shadowing him today (who said absolutely nothing the whole time... didn't look at the chart... didn't ask questions... nothing... very odd). Apparently things look good, so assuming my E2 level comes back good we'll start stims. Also apparently Cetrotide was a bad protocol for me to be on (NOW I find this out??? Not last time?). And I finally got the actual DNA Frag number... 33% fragmentation, but he's taking these anti-oxidant supplements now, so that should help lower that number.

Met with the nurse... got my instructions (start the stims etc. on Friday morning)... got my meds (Bravelle, Repronex & Prednisone... I also have to take low-dose aspirin, but I've got that already).

All good.

But then... I got an email titled "I have some news". There's a group of 5 of us who used to be pretty close. Then two got pregnant and had kids. Then a third got pregnant (I would have been due 3 weeks after her if I hadn't miscarried). Now the only other member of our little group is pregnant... nearly 13 weeks. And then there's me. I really, really want to be happy for her, because I know she's had a rough go of things... but all I can feel is alone. And like I'm a horrible person because her news didn't make me remotely happy. Vicious circle. :(

Monday, February 25, 2008

C'mon stims!

Obviously it's been far too long since I've updated... so here's a 'catch up' entry.

On Feb. 7th I went to the clinic for CD2 and to meet the new doc. Of course, silly me thought that when I had gotten that call from the clinic manager they'd assigned my chart to the new doc's section already, so when I went in, I signed up as a patient of Dr. L, but neglected to mention that I had previously been with Dr. D.... so when I finally got to meet Dr. L, he didn't have my full chart. Le sigh. But... luckily, thanks to the fabulous online community I've been posting in for ages (insert shameless plug for the BabyBells section of the forums here) I was well versed in our diagnosis, previous protocol, etc. The doc expressed surprising sympathy when I mentioned the miscarriage, which was a startling but nice change.

Anyway... started Marvelon (again... damn I hate those things... they make me break out and make me moody) on the 7th... then added Lupron (0.1mL daily in the morning at the same time every day) on the 14th (happy Valentine's Day... gotta go shoot up, now).

Lupron's a fun little drug. Apparently it's technically a cancer drug that has the fun side effect that it plays tricks on the pituitary and messes with the reproductive hormones too. The first few days weren't too bad, other than making me extremely tired... but towards the end of the first week the night-sweats and hot-flashes started. Luckily, I haven't had them too often (although last night was another sweaty one. Ick.).

I stopped the BCP last week (Wednesday was my last one) and knew that I would be going back to the clinic on CD2. I figured (based on last fall) that AF would show her ugly red face Saturday or Sunday, so I'd be hitting the clinic yesterday or today. But, true to form, now that I WANT her to show up, she's playing coy. I've been spotting since Friday afternoon, but nothing yet. Luckily, I know what to do... if she shows up today, I go in tomorrow... otherwise I go in Wednesday regardless (the nurse told me when I got my meds that if I didn't have a period a week after stopping the pill to come in anyway). From my reading, it seems that Lupron can have this effect... preventing menstruation. So... I'm hoping things get rolling today so I can go in for my supression check and start my stims on Wednesday, because I now have this horrible fear that I'll go in on Wednesday and they'll have to give me provera or something to jumpstart AF and we'll lose even more time. Gah.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Let's get this party started!

OK... so it's been a while since I updated, and quite a bit has changed.

I finally had time to call my original clinic. Left voicemail for the clinic manager at about 5 a.m. (right when I got up for work so I'd make sure I got the call in). I explained that I was at a bit of a loss... that I wasn't sure where to go... that the new place wasn't as convenient, but my decision would come down to (a) whether I could transfer to a new doc at the original clinic without having to wait and (b) whether the plan established with my original doc would be honoured (it's in my chart already), and that the second point was very important. I mentioned that this was going to be IVF round 2 because we don't have anything left frozen after an early miscarriage and a failed frozen cycle. I also mentioned that really, those 2 considerations were the only 2... that convenience, while convenient, wasn't really a deciding factor, and that since my doc is now on mat leave, I'd have to see a new doc no matter which way I went.

Now, bear in mind that clinic hours are 7-9:30. At 10:00 a.m. I got a call from the clinic manager (herself... not some lackey) who had already talked to one of the other docs (the "head honcho"), and that he'd take me on no problem, just come in on Day 2 and sign up with him. They still have the original of my file, so there's no problem there... there'd just be a little paperwork to fill out for the 'transfer of care'. Awesome!

Of course, then the worry set in... what if I went in on Day 2 and he decided to alter my plan? ... if we don't do a transfer in February, we have to wait until June (because we're booked on a trip we desperately need in May... if they do a transfer mid-Feb, I'll be 15 weeks by that time... I don't want to go if I'm in the 1st trimester - admittedly out of fear, but also partly because I know from my brief stay before that fatigue and queasiness can be huge factors, especially when you throw in the additional meds - and things likely won't line up nicely again until my June cycle).

But in the end, I have to consider other things. This guy has a great reputation... he gets results... an results are definitely what we're after here! Ok, so his ratings online say he sucks in the punctuality department, but I can live with that (of course, now that my Sr. Manager has left the team it could get a little sticky being late so much... and now I have the joy of explaining it to a guy. Poop. Oh well... life goes on).

Then, of course, AF was 3 days late showing up for the party, just to piss me off. I've always been regular, even after the miscarriage (except for 3 times pre-clinic when I was 3 days late... there's some debate as to what happened those cycles)... and the one time I really want... no... NEED AF to show, she decides to be late. Grr. But at least she didn't show up yesterday, because today is going to be a busy one with work (meetings 9 - 4 straight), and "the weather outside is frightful" (freezing rain, snow, ice, and more on the way). Here's hoping tomorrow goes well and smoothly....