Roller Coaster Day

So... got up this morning with plans to go to the clinic. Wouldn't you know it... looks like AF decided to showup, finally. But then again, nothing was getting to a pad, so maybe it was just heavier spotting? But really, what fun would this whole infertility thing be without some confusion?

Anyway, got to the clinic. Signed the appropriate clipboards. Got pulled in for blood work. Right arm: can't find a vein. Left arm: can't find a vein. Right hand: vein collapsed as soon as the needle was inserted. Left hand finally gave up some blood. Then the question... "What cycle day are you on?" Umm... I don't know. Either day 22 or day 1. So they left it blank and just wrote "Supression - IVF" on it instead.

Then off to the u/s... again "What cycle day are you?" Same spiel... explained I wasn't sure if this was just heavy spotting or day 1... so she wrote "CD22?"

Then the doc... and the 3rd year medical student shadowing him today (who said absolutely nothing the whole time... didn't look at the chart... didn't ask questions... nothing... very odd). Apparently things look good, so assuming my E2 level comes back good we'll start stims. Also apparently Cetrotide was a bad protocol for me to be on (NOW I find this out??? Not last time?). And I finally got the actual DNA Frag number... 33% fragmentation, but he's taking these anti-oxidant supplements now, so that should help lower that number.

Met with the nurse... got my instructions (start the stims etc. on Friday morning)... got my meds (Bravelle, Repronex & Prednisone... I also have to take low-dose aspirin, but I've got that already).

All good.

But then... I got an email titled "I have some news". There's a group of 5 of us who used to be pretty close. Then two got pregnant and had kids. Then a third got pregnant (I would have been due 3 weeks after her if I hadn't miscarried). Now the only other member of our little group is pregnant... nearly 13 weeks. And then there's me. I really, really want to be happy for her, because I know she's had a rough go of things... but all I can feel is alone. And like I'm a horrible person because her news didn't make me remotely happy. Vicious circle. :(