Yesterday sucked. Actually, the whole week sucked. Rather than looking forward to June 28th with excited anticipation, I was instead reminded of how my body has failed us.
To my little ones who left before we even had a chance to know you... I love you, babies. I always will. I miss you. I miss learning your personalities. I miss knowing your smiles. I miss seeing your first steps, first words, first teeth, first everything. First breath. Yesterday was your 'estimated due date'. Not a day has passed in the past week that I haven't shed tears for lost life, lost hope, lost dreams... my little lost children.
I love you. Always.
I am eternally glad for the true friends I've met and made through this journey. Friends who made damn sure I wasn't alone last night... who offered distraction, but also let me cry. You have helped me more than you will ever know. Because of you I haven't spiralled so far down that there's no hope of coming back... and because of you, I know that when I finally do come back there will be smiling faces waiting for me.
And, to my dear husband... you have saved me. I am so sorry it's been so hard for me to talk about this, even to you. I didn't want you to be dragged back down if you had managed to find peace. I should have known I could have leaned on you anyway, Hon... thank you for reminding me... for your strength, for your courage, for your comfort... for your love. You are the world to me... I'm sorry I've been gone so long. I hope this will be a turning point... that maybe now I can start on the road back to where I used to be. Back to hope. Back to letting myself dream for us. *hugs*
To my little ones who left before we even had a chance to know you... I love you, babies. I always will. I miss you. I miss learning your personalities. I miss knowing your smiles. I miss seeing your first steps, first words, first teeth, first everything. First breath. Yesterday was your 'estimated due date'. Not a day has passed in the past week that I haven't shed tears for lost life, lost hope, lost dreams... my little lost children.
I love you. Always.
I am eternally glad for the true friends I've met and made through this journey. Friends who made damn sure I wasn't alone last night... who offered distraction, but also let me cry. You have helped me more than you will ever know. Because of you I haven't spiralled so far down that there's no hope of coming back... and because of you, I know that when I finally do come back there will be smiling faces waiting for me.
And, to my dear husband... you have saved me. I am so sorry it's been so hard for me to talk about this, even to you. I didn't want you to be dragged back down if you had managed to find peace. I should have known I could have leaned on you anyway, Hon... thank you for reminding me... for your strength, for your courage, for your comfort... for your love. You are the world to me... I'm sorry I've been gone so long. I hope this will be a turning point... that maybe now I can start on the road back to where I used to be. Back to hope. Back to letting myself dream for us. *hugs*
2 comments:
:)
You made me cry.
I'm sorry it was such a sucky day, but more than happy to help out as best as possible.
((hugs))
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It is just not fair. In ANY way.
I'm glad you had some ladies to take care of you!
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