Wednesday, July 9, 2008

An Anniversary

One year ago today, D and I found ourselves at our clinic, fighting with our original RE's secretary about who had canceled our appointment. It sure as all hell wasn't us... why would we show up for an appointment we canceled? Oh right... we wouldn't.

In the end, our RE said she'd stay a little later to meet with us.

We were there to get the results of all our testing and to find out our diagnosis and prognosis.

One year ago today we were told that our only hope was IVF. Not drugs and timed intercourse. Not IUI. Not drugs and IUI. Straight to IVF.

It's been a crazy year since then. Trying to come to terms with the diagnosis of borderline motility with high DNA fragmentation (but good morphology, go fig). Coming to terms and moving forward. Having a cycle postponed due to a cyst. Going through medication, monitoring, retrieval and transfer. Getting the wonderful call... tempered with extreme caution. Miscarrying. Going through a frozen cycle. Getting the bad news of its failure on New Years Eve. Transferring to another RE when ours left the clinic... after much angst and debate. Trying another fresh cycle, throwing everything possible at us to maximize our chances. Getting a phone call telling us the result was negative when it was only inconclusive. Making it past the point where we lost the first... only to find out that we had lost these, as well but my body hadn't clued in. Seeing countless friends, family members, and co-workers achieve what we were apparently incapable of.

And then the crowing glory... losing my job and having to put everything on hold indefinitely. Again.

Grief. Angst. Heartbreak. Hope. Sadly, progressively less of the last and more of the previous.

Another significant date past. Next up... our birthdays. Another year with no child to share them with. Then the 3 year mark.

It's going to be a rough summer... hopefully I can at least find a job so we can get the ball rolling again. C'mon Fate... throw me a bone!

4 comments:

Emily said...

I'm sorry Mums. What a horrible year. I can't imagine what that would be like. And the job thing was icing on the poo-cake. I hope you find a happy place in your heart again one day... but take all the time you need.

By the way, DO bring your cue one day. Although I haven't shot a game of anything on over a year... lol. And I haven't used my cue in 4 years, I think it might be warped now.

xo
M

Pam said...

I'm sorry things have been so difficult. I've never asked what it is you do, work-wise, but the office my niece is at is hiring. Send me an email if you're interested. Two pretty decent jobs and they are located right downtown, if that helps.

Momasita said...

It can only get better from here - right? My DH always says that later in life we'll have a great story to tell when we finally get to where we want to go.

Also, you should post here and on WB (not sure if you have done so already) what it is that you do/or kind of job you're looking for. One of us may know someone that can help you out.

Emily said...

Mums! I miss you! I hope you're doing ok!!!

xo
Em